I was delighted to receive the following questions from some friends of mine last week:

1. Is six hours a day too much sex?
2. Should I be worried by the fact that I am having wayyyy too much sex?
3. How many hours of sex a day for a consecutive year can a vagina take?
4. When do you know that just too much sex is not good for your vagina?

This couple has a long-distance relationship, so their sex life is a lot of feast-or-famine. Or maybe their sex life would look like this all the time. Hence the questions.

I recommend having sex at least once a day for everyone. Whether that’s an hour or six hours, it’s your decision to make. Presumably, given other life responsibilities, not every day will be six hours, so make hay while the sun shines! The next day is always a good gauge–are you tired or energized from the previous day’s exertions?

One person’s “wayyyyy too much” is another person’s drought, but at six hours a day, you are probably(? ) in the category of safely satiated. Since in the Taoist tradition, we use sex as a means to liberate and store energy, hours of practice at a time is a good and rejuvenating thing. To ensure that a lot of sex energizes rather than depletes you, make sure that you are breathing throughout: especially intense moments and orgasm. This recirculates your sexual energy back into your body rather than ejecting it out of you. Aim for a deep belly-breath and a four-count inhale and a four-count exhale; a good Vinyasa flow breath. This will ensure that you are getting the most benefit out of your sexual experiences by unblocking any stagnant energy and allowing your juicy, revitalizing sexual chi to flow where it’s needed.

How many hours can a vagina take? Mmm. As many as it wants to. (I love these questions and it’s almost hard for me to take them seriously. But I shall.) Ask your vagina. It will tell you. If your vagina is wet, willing and swollen, I’d take that as sign that your vagina is onboard. If you find that you are becoming dry, it may be time to refuel–hydrate frequently, take in foods with high sugar and salt content to restore your sweat-lost electrolytes. I find that breaks for water, kombucha and small meals enable me to maintain and build my endurance.

I talk to women about “vaginal sentience” (and to men about “penile sentience”). We need to wake up our genitals and put our awareness there so that they become thinking, functioning, integrated apparatuses. A former lover used to tell me to “think with my vagina.” It was excellent advice. Part of our collective sexual malady is dissociating from our sexual power and from our genitals. Vaginal and penile weight lifting strengthen our PC muscle control, articulation and bring a new level of awareness to our pleasure. What I’m saying is, ask your vagina. It knows. If it and you are still feeling strong desire, then go for it. If it needs extra enticing, give it that.

The only thing I can think of that could be an issue is if you consistently override your vagina’s messages and you’ll know because you’ll feel it later. I’m not a big fan of artificial enhancements, and in that category I place everything from Viagra to vaginal lubricant. I say this only because I believe arousal ought to come from within and when it does, the body will respond accordingly. You can consciously choose to override the body and use lubricant whenever you like, but I advise trying to get there in other ways first. Adding new portals for arousal can open you up and re-excite you all over again (on the fifth sixth or seventh round). For example, the voice is a powerful erotic tool. Ask each other to describe your sexual fantasies in detail and then take turns narrating them to each other. The additional level of mental penetration can turn you on from another angle and revive you.

Ask me anything.

Have any burning sex questions? I’m going to be answering them in upcoming blog and video posts. If you are feeling shy, you can submit your questions anonymously here.

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